Blog Archives

Words of Wisdom

The things that almost happen

Don’t even make a dent in the earth.

It’s the things that are, is and be

That are is to be given any worth.

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Certainty

Have you ever been so certain of something,
only to find that you were completely wrong?

It’s so liberating.

A weight of responsibility
lifts from your shoulders,
Because you make mistakes too.
You play the role of human in this production.

It’s even greater when you think you know something,
then you find out your wrong,
then you find out you were originally right in the first-place.

“Well am I really correct,
do I hold the truth of the situation,
or will my perceptions once again flip.
Now I can‘t rightfully know ANYTHING,
can I?”

This offers the greatest sense of emancipation
from the network of truth.
Weaved into web,
sticky network,
waiting to pull you in.

But upon realizing you’re not at all infallible,
your certainty gets pulled back and spread out,
the way the tide roles in and take a sand castle.

You become not only separate from the network of truth,
but you simultaneously become the network.
And knowing that you’re part of it,
allows you to rise above it; while at the same time questioning
if you really know that you’re part of it in the first place.

Epistemology – a philosophical branch closely tied to ontology that studies everything;
because everything is thought.
And the limits of thought define the boundaries of everything.

It is somewhat disheartening
to come to terms with the truth that all of these ideas thus presented
have already been thought about before.
None is wholly original.
It’s like, what use do I have writing this down when I could go read books on this topic.
Books that would map out my own ideas better than I ever could.

Not that the books know me better than I know me,
it’s that my ideas are not part of me. I don’t own the rights (I’ve yet to develop an original product).
They are part of the collective.
Thoughts and ideas are communal.
They rely on the existence of other people-generating-ideas to exist themselves.

I can’t build a house without the supplies provided to me by other people;
And the underline structure of each house will be loosely based off houses before it
and is not wholly original.
Similarly, I can’t build an idea
without the language/supplies/ideas provided to me by other people.

True independence can only be achieved upon death,
but even then
one relies on the bacteria and worms to facilitate the next step,
which is decomposition.

No one is independent, but we’re all individual.

Everyone is a snowflake,
with our own intricate pattern,
similar yet unique to the others around it,
and we’re falling into one big mound of snow.
The universe is snow.
Everything in the universe is a fluttering flake,
temporarily suspended in the fall to oblivion.

Yet, it’s only a matter of time before I find all this to be untrue.

People

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday after getting home from work. If you work in customer service for a while you start to get a pretty good grasp of the human condition. It smells funny. And I am starting to see the stench of my own doings in the fumes of those around me. I am part of the Promentalshitbackwashpsychosisenemasquad. You know, the doodoo chasers. I dedicate this poem to George Clinton.

An Overexposed Self-Portrait
Through the Lens
Of Another’s Life

I toil at a drug store
For money.
A woman bought ex-lax
Today,
Went into the bathroom,
And
Sprayed a shit slaughter
All over wall and stall.
Smell swept down
The coat pegged hall
To the table,
Where I devoured delicacies
Prepared by Chef Mike
rowave.
She was a poopetrator of Pollocklike proportions.

The woman:
She can’t read,
Or count,
Or communicate
Like the rest of us can;
Like “US NORMAL FOLK.”

“You help me? I need medicine, and I can’t read good.”
“Sure, what are you looking for?”
“Vitamin E
“Oh”

She’s on the cigarettes and beer diet / Basic Lights and Milwaukee’s Best.
Basically the best
For those looking to alleviate ailments of an aging anatomy.

She loathes most folks
Because
They give her shit.
See,
In a sense
She’s a bit
Like me.

 

 

The 12 Cards of Humor

The past two months I had the pleasure of interning with American Greetings. During that time they let me take the writing test for the department that creates the humor cards. Basically the test asked me to come up with 12 humorous cards that could fit a specific occasion. What I came up with probably falls short of pants wetting and won’t make it to the shelves, but some of the card ideas might pull out a snicker or chortle here on the internet…

 

 

 

  1. Birthday:

(outside) – Is there a limit to the number of ways I can wish you happy birthday in German?

(inside) – Nein

 

  1.  Birthday:

(outside) – A birthday is like a swirly…

(inside) – So get shit-faced!

 

 

  1.  Older Birthday:

(outside) – You know you’re getting older when…

(inside) – People give you cards that start with “you know you’re getting older when…”

 

 

  1.  Anniversary card from wife who would like      to remind her sports-obsessed husband that she’s still glad she married      him:

(outside) – For a man who lives his sporting life glued to the television set…

(inside) – You still got game!

 

 

  1.  Boyfriend to girlfriend/girlfriend to      boyfriend:

(outside) – A good friend is like good sex…

(inside) – But good sex with a good friend is always best!

 

 

  1.  Romantic card for a person in a new      relationship, who doesn’t want to use the “L” word:

(outside) – The time we’ve spent together has been so terrific…

(inside) – That I think I’m falling in like with you!

 

 

  1.  Older birthday:

(outside) – Another year older, it could be worse…

(inside) – You could be two years older.

 

 

  1.  Older birthday:

(outside) – You look terrific for your age!

(inside) – But at your age that doesn’t really say much.

Happy Birthday, you Rolex of dime-store watches!

 

  1.  Birthday card for a wild, younger      brother:

(outside) – Little bro, you were born to be wild…

(inside) – To a different family.

Happy Birthday! (We’ll talk about this all later)

 

 

  1.  Thank you card to a boss or leader:

(outside) –

Totalitarian

Hegemonist

Autocrat

Niccolo Machiavellian

Killjoy

Suppressive

 

(inside) – For all the positive leadership.

 

  1.  Smart birthday:

(outside) – A birthday is like a tautology…

(inside) – Because tautologies are so similar to birthdays!

 

  1.  Political humor birthday:

(outside) – It’s your birthday –

So I’m throwing you a communist party!

(inside) – Yay, everyone gets gifts!

 

 

 

QWERTY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The keys for our words

Uncover some keys to our words,

And upon close inspection

It seems quite absurd

That we choose to slash sayings

Over asking a question,

Or that the quality of our quotations

Is valued less than possession.

Percentages and money

Wane in utilization

To numbers,

Who are used even more than exclamation!

We equal things out

More than add things together,

And the space between symbols

Has the longest space by measure.

The pointer on our right hand gets an eight-pointer in Scrabble

Yet, the middle of the left hand must jump up to tackle

An e-mazingly much used vowel, pushed up and afar,

And with the illogic of this layout, most vowels are.

In the past it kept letters from jamming together,

but technology has changed, so can the QWERTY be better?