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I saw him on my ride to work.

waving from the side of a brick building

telling me his toothpaste will keep my teeth whiter than the rest.

I saw him again laying in my neighbor’s front yard,

sticking himself from ground, telling me who deserves my vote.

he interrupts my favorite shows and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and takls and talks.

I stopped watching television because I’m terrified of him.

he didn’t go away.

I can’t even watch a movie anymore without him stepping on screen for a cameo.

he proudly wears new clothing, imprinted with big letters telling others where he came from.

I’m constantly finding him in my mailbox… I throw him in the waste, but he comes back daily

always looking for attention.

he’s schizophrenic and obsessive compulsive, but I don’t think he knows it.

he turns commodity into necessity by exploiting peoples’ insecurities.

he taught the Joneses the rules of one-upmanship.

he stands on street corners, whoring himself to the public, proclaiming his love for God and country.

he is God and country. (they were created in his own image)

the minds of good people have eroded in his wake.

he wants everyone to share his taste in music…

his sense of fashion…

his hobbies…

his interests…

“The unexamined life IS worth living!” he shouts.



About cognifeeder

My name is Josh. I like to think about things. I also like to write (albeit, “type” might be a more appropriate verb). Sometimes, I can muster these two likes into an enthralling synergy of self-expression. Sometimes not. Cognifeeder was a word I made up in this poem. To me, a “Cognifeeder” is any bit of learned information. A Cognifeeder is a piece of culture, something learned that contributes to one's map of reality. The world is littered with Cognifeeders. Take them lightly. When I’m not blogging, I run Sonata, a digital marketing and SEO agency based in Aledo, Texas.

Posted on July 1, 2012, in humor, poetry and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. apocalypsepoet

    HA! Brilliant!

  2. Spot on! Love it 🙂

  3. Thank you for making him a he & not a she. Tee! Hee!

  4. Wonder how many even caught the joke.. 😉

  5. As awalys, another wonder-full poem. I’d esitmate it’s in your top 25%. Gotta love ya my little brother {from another mothe….who is a mother of your very own sister. Do you recall Mr. Mister…sir?

  6. I just read your comment on that post about gay marriage. Please tell me that was sarcasm?

    • Yup, I find sarcasm much more effective than argument in situations of bigotry. Argument never convinces them of anything, so you might as well play along and have some fun 🙂

  7. Very clever. You definitely have a real talent. I ended up here because I couldn’t stop laughing at your responses to the homophobic philosopher.

    • I recognize you from the comment section on that post too. I remember you said something to the effect that he was more obsessed with sex than your gay friends. It reminded me of something that Stephen Fry once said that, “sex is sort of like food; and the only people obsessed with food are the anorexic and the morbidly obese.” Anyway, I got blocked from commenting on that feed, so I’m considering turning our comments into a blog post and leaving it open for people to respond to… Just a thought. Thanks for the comment.

    • Also, I just realized that your picture is of Vonnegut’s asshole from “Breakfast of Champions.” That is probably the best profile picture I’ve ever seen!

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